Litterbox
WORLD RECORD LITTERBOXFor this issue’s Litterbox, we honor the one-and-only Guinness Book Of World Records. It should be noted that TWS will probably be awarded the world record for Most Garbage Letters Ever Received In One Year, judging from all the total crap we’ve gotten this past twelve months.Add your letter to the ever-growing pile of refuse by sending it to: TransWorld SKATEboarding, Attn: Litterbox, 353 Airport Road, Oceanside, California 92054.
Largest Doughnut I’m writing in response to Zak Ritchey’s letter about the man known as "Mr. Pockets." Well, here in good ol’ Mississippi (yes, we wear shoes, skate shoes even) we have our own "Mr. Pockets," but with slightly different anatomy and authority. Here we have the "P.M.S. Avenger." She’s a bike cop who spends her time pedaling around the local square, which coincidentally, is home to some of the best spots in town. Luckily for us, we’ve found a loophole. Due to a recently discovered spot behind a gas station that sells Krispy Kreme doughnuts, we think we’ve finally got her. Trying something like that couldn’t hurt too much.
–Capel Howarth, Oxford, Mississippi
Luckily the staff from Hemstroughts Bakeries, Donatos Bakery, and the radio station WKLL-FM (all from the U.S.A.) made the largest American-style doughnut, weighing 3,739 pounds and measuring sixteen feet in diameter and sixteen inches high, at Utica, New York, U.S.A., on January 21, 1993. Just think: a Krispy Kreme doughnut that size would keep a few hundred cops busy for a while.
Highest Balloon Altitude Okay, honestly, what the f–k is up with all these jocks? My crew and I were at the skatepark one day and all of a sudden, water balloons started to fall out the sky. The water from the balloons was f–king up our park–getting it wet and slippery. There’s only one thing I like slippery, and a skatepark is definitely not one of them. Then we saw these letter-jackets hiding in a bush with a water-balloon launcher. I walked over there, and they got up and ran. No more problems. Twenty minutes later and more bags were falling from the sky. We saw the same dudes up on the playground launching balloons. My friends and I then got everyone out of the park and walked over to where they were. While they were shitting their pants, I walked behind them with ten dudes, so when they ran we’d be right there to kick their asses into the ground. It was amazing to see them eat shit. So anytime someone sees some jocks f–kin’ with skateboarders, beat their asses–beat their f–king asses!–Drew D., Columbus, Ohio
Just in case you didn’t know, the greatest altitude ever reached by a manned balloon is 113,740 feet (34,668 meters) by Commander Malcolm D. Ross and Lieutenant Commander Victor A. Prather of the U.S. Navy over the Gulf of Mexico, U.S.A., on May 4, 1961. Their non-pressurized, gas-filled polyethylene balloon was called the Lee Lewis Memorial. Now mellow out.
Heaviest Man Anytime I try to spark a conversation with a skateboarder, I’m immediately the recipient of a confused expression. True story–just the other day, I asked someone what tricks they could do on their board. The response I received (from this person who I’d never met before) was, "You’re not a skater!" You may wonder why someone I don’t even know could make such a critical judgment. Maybe it’s because I’m seventeen, six-feet tall, and weigh 230 pounds. There’s no way a big fat guy can skateboard, huh? Those who know me better find it even harder to believe that I’m a skateboarder. I do very well acadeemically, dress decently, and I’m even part of the golf team! I don’t seem the skateboarding type, but I absolutely love it. Skateboarding keeps me active and is much more challenging than any math problem I’ve ever encountered. Let me tell you, I was far more exhilarated when I landed my first kickflip than when I aced the test I took beforehand. So from an outside perspective, I may appear to be the anti-skateboarder–someone who looks down upon the danger-filled, idiotic sport. It’s my conclusion through experience, however, the ever-present danger on top of society’s disapproval that makes skateboarding so enjoyable.–R.J. LaCount, Lynnwood, Washington
The heaviest person in medical history was Jon Brower Minnoch (U.S.A.). He suffered from obesity as a child, and by 1963, when he was 22 years old and six feet tall, he weighed 392 pounds. Four years later, Jon weighed 700 pounds, and by September 1976, he weighed 975 pounds. He was rushed to the hospital in 1978 with heart and respiratory failure, weighing an estimated 1,400 pounds. When Jon died in 1983, he was down to 798 pounds. We’re pretty sure Jon didn’t skate, but who cares.Letter Of The Month
Fastest Wife Carrying Champion Ever since I got married this past spring, I feel like I’ve been losing touch with skateboarding. It seems like I have no time to skate now. My new wife seems to soak up every spare amount of time in my day, and that makes me miserable to the point of incessant nonstop arguing with her.
I love skateboarding, and my wife seems unwilling to compromise about when I get to go skating. She says it was cool while we were dating, but now that we’re married, it’s time for me to get serious and stop acting like a sixteen year old. What does she know anyway? She married me for the guy I am, not someone she wants me to be.
Lately we’ve been getting into arguments, and I’ll just leave and go skate down to the local observatory and shred the ledges in the back parking lot ’til I can’t skate anymore. I don’t want to become a statistic and get divorced. I’m a responsible husband who also just happens to be a pretty avid skateboarder.
This letter goes out to all the females who happen to read my letter: Let your man be who he is, and he’ll be happy, healthy, and stress-free. Genuine skateboarders are true for life.–Rick Jericho, Palo Alto, California
Love is supposed to be unconditional–check out these folks in Finland. The fastest-ever time to complete the 771-foot course of the World Wife Carrying Championships held annually in Sonkajarvi, Finland (first held in 1992) is 55.5 seconds by Margo Uusorg and Birgit Ulricht (both from Estonia) on July 1, 2000. Winners take home liters of beer equivalent to the wife’s weight. You, Rick, on the other hand, have just won a Popwar deck for your endearing letter. Good luck. Tell your lady to relax and let you shred once in a while.
