This Litterbox is dedicated to the kooks–the kooks at your school, the kooks at the skatepark, and that kook in the mirror. Get kooky: TransWorld SKATEboarding, Attn: Litterbox, 353 Airport Road, Oceanside, CA 92054, or email skatemag@twsnet.com.
GRANDMA RIPS! Dear Sirs, when my grandson requested a "skateboard quilt," I agreed–only if he would help design and cut it. The result was "Logo Legends," a fun project we did together. It measures 50 inches by 50 inches and is flannel-backed.–Sincerely, Dona Bassnett, Aurora, Colorado
You’ve just earned the prestigious TWS Grandma Of The Year Award! Just remember to ask your cute little grandson what that P.D. logo stands for.
(Insert Photo)"Logo Legends" by Evan Fordyce and Dona Bassnett
PUNK ASS I’m just writing this letter ’cause I don’t have a clear view on what’s punk. I got suspended from school for kickin’ some dude’s ass, and my friend says that’s hella punk. I was talkin’ back to my teacher and cussing at him, and my friend said that’s punk, too, ’cause I’m supposed to be the punk-rock kid in the school or something. I also skate really good and dress punk rock. But I’d like a clarification on just what exactly punk is, thanks.–Austin, via e-mail
You definitely ain’t punk. See that kid with the quilt? THAT’S F–KIN’ PUNK, MUTHAF–KA!
WHAT UP WITH THE "–"? What the hell is up with you guys putting that stupid line in between all the "F" words? That just makes you guys look lame. And "homies" isn’t spelled "homeys," you f(insert your stupid line here)king dorks. Get a clue.–Ricky Linsom, via e-mail
Ricky, go f– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – k yourself.
MIDWEST CRISIS I’m wondering what’s up with the Midwest not getting any credit for skating in your mag. I’m pissed off about that, dude! The Midwest has some of the best skate scenes and skaters anywhere–I’m not lying. Why don’t you do an article, or maybe a whole mag about the Midwest? It f–king sucks not having anyone from Minnesota in the mag.–Travis, via e-mail
We just did an article on Minneapolis two issues ago, so you can cease your incessant babble, bub.
NEW JACK Hi, I’m a skateboarder interested in being sponsored. I’m a beginner, but I can do a whole heap of moves. Thanks.–Jack, via e-mail
Okay, Jack. You’re now sponsored by air. You get as much free air to breath as you want.
POTTY MOUTH Do you think you can give me pro skaters’ e-mail addresses, you stupid ho? Write back, dick bitch.–Darcy Taylor, Hong Kong
Whoa! Listening to Ice Cube probably isn’t a good way to learn how to speak English, Darcy.
WESLEY WILLISHAS A POSSE I’m writing TransWorld SKATEboarding to let everyone know that Wesley Willis is the new king of rock and roll! Every song on every album is pure genius. Wesley and his Casio keyboard make wonderful sounds for young and old alike to enjoy. You have to see his live show–it’s a must for any lover of fine music.To meet Wesley is quite an experience. Instead of a simple handshake, he headbutts you. That’s right, he headbutts in the forehead. Not very hard, but just enough to knock the buzz out of you. It’s his way of tapping into your mental to "meet" you the right way. Take notice of Wesley and exalt your new lord!–Anthony Borsche, San Pedro, CA
I think Wesley might’ve headbutted you too hard at that last show, Anthony. He is pretty sick, though.
BRAIN-DEAD As I was flipping through the April 2002 edition of your brilliant magazine (send me free things), I saw something that finally made me realize that skateboarding’s gone down the shitter. In an ad for Arcade skateboards, there’s some little tech jerk doing a little manual to frontside kick-the-board-hard-and-hope-to-land-on-it trick, and the caption read "26-stair lipslide." Wah! I couldn’t believe it! I tried to make sense of it, but the only thing I could come up with was this: The dudes at Arcade were in a hurry to get the ad out on time, and some pencil-pushing dickhead slapped some label on there and bothered not to ask anyone if it made sense. His supervisor, fixed on getting his raise that week, failed to notice. What I’m trying to say here is, when companies that want us to buy their gear show us how little they know about skating by doing something like this, how can we expect a quality board from them?–Jeremy Loizos, via e-mailJeremy, you must have left your sense of humor on the short bus. Go find it, then look at the ad again.OUT OF SYNC Hey, hook me up with one of those *NSYNC fingerboards!–Jason, Campbell, CaliforniaSure! Just hook us up with some letters that don’t suck!OUT OF SYNC, TOO Hi! Our names are Pam and Brittany. We both have been skating for about a year. We started out just fooling around with our boyfriends’ boards and then we got really into it. Even though we aren’t going out with either of them anymore, we still skate for fun. The fingerboards are cool, too. In your April 2002 issue, you showed a picture of an *NSYNC fingerboard, and we were wondering where you can buy those, because we love *NSYNC.Arrggghhhhh! Make it stop! Please!KOOK TRADE A typical lunch-table conservation at my school goes like this: "Whoa! Cool! I just did a kickflip on my Tech Deck! I bet ya I could do one on a real skateboard–it’s, like, easy. Tech Decks are harder to do tricks on than real skateboards ’cause they’re smaller and stuff. Maybe I should pick up a skateboard on my way home at Kmart and go pro in, like, a couple of weeks just like that Musker guy!" Please help me.–Spencer T., Reedsville, PASpencer, would you like to trade kooks? We’ll trade you 55 kooks demanding *NSYNC fingerboards for your lunch-table Tech Deck kooks. Deal?
